Hi, I'm High.
Hi, I’m high.
No, it’s not what you are thinking. I am not high on drugs.
Right now, my blood sugar is high. For those of you who don’t know much about diabetes, this means that my blood sugar is above 200.
Living life with an invisible illness has many, many challenges. However, the hardest one I personally have faced thus far is trying to get others to be understanding.
Have you ever ran on a really hot day?
Imagine with me for a minute running 5 miles on the hottest day in July. The first thing that you would want when you finish this run is water. However, imagine for a moment that no matter how much water you drank, you could NEVER quench your dying thirst. You are also probably going to be extremely fatigued and potentially a little irritable until you are able to cool off.
That is what high blood sugar feels like.
Several days ago I was in the kitchen with my family helping cook dinner. We were all talking and watching TV together. I noticed, however, that pretty much everything everyone was saying was getting on my nerves. Weird, I thought. I started craving something sweet and remembered I just ordered a HUGE pack of all pink starburst. I asked my sister where she had put them and she told me that she took them to my Dad’s. We were at my mom’s.
After several rude comments to her about moving my stuff, I cried. Y’all...I cried over pink starburst.
It then became evident to everyone in the room, except myself, that I must be high. My mom proceeded to rub my back and tell me that it was okay...it was simply a miscommunication. My sister was trying to help.
It was then that I realized I should probably check my blood sugar. Low and behold, I was 434.
If I had been anywhere else, but home, or with people such as my best friends who have known me since diagnosis, I would have left a terrible impression. I couldn’t control my emotions. I was sad, then I was mad, then I was happy, then I was crying...I was high. There was nothing I could do to reason with myself. I knew that I was being irrational. I knew that it was due to my blood sugar being so high. However, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing or the anger that I was allowing to build up inside of me.
That’s the thing about this invisible, incurable, illness. There is nothing I can do to stop it when it makes life more difficult. All I could do, was take more insulin, try to understand how it got so high, rest, and remove myself from pretty much every situation that I was in. There was no dinner for me that night, my sugar was too high. I didn't eat any birthday cake for my mom’s birthday, I was too high.
I write this post as a cry for understanding.
I feel like as a society, we are becoming gradually more accepting of differences. I see demands for equality everywhere I go. Before I was diagnosed, and really before going to college, I didn’t see or notice the need for change. I knew life didn’t feel fair. I knew I had been placed in some less than ideal circumstances due to my illness. I even knew that I had been told more than once that I needed to not participate in something because of someone else’s fear of taking care of me in an emergency, but I didn’t fully realize how desperately we need change.
Just because someone looks normal, or looks like they have a good life on social media, does not always mean that their life is full of rainbows and butterflies. Invisible illnesses are no joke. Diabetes takes more lives every year than AIDS and breast cancer combined, according to the American Diabetes Association. I urge you to be more understanding if someone is acting in a way that you don’t feel is appropriate. You do not always know what they are going through.
**BONUS - TIP TIME!!**
I’m going to throw in a WIDELY agreed upon tip from the diabetes community, no charge!! DO NOT ASK ME OR ANY OTHER TYPE 1 WHAT OUR BLOOD SUGAR IS OR TO TEST OUR SUGAR JUST BECAUSE WE ARE IN A MOOD. Seriously, every diabetic will agree. We don’t like this. You are not helping. Even though our emotions can be more easily affected, we are still allowed to feel. We are still allowed to have normal, bad days. To top it all off, we will probably not test our sugar just because you asked us to...especially if we are high. So, keep your opinions and advice to yourself. Thank you. *Blows kiss*
To my best friends, family, and others who have dealt with a high Tegan a time or two...thank you. I’m a handful, I know. I can be vicious, I know. But, I love you. Thank you for listening, for hugging me when I’m mean, and for staying with me, despite it all.
XOXO,
Teg